Football, boozing and fireworks
Why you don't have to act like a c**t to have a great day at the match
Twenty five year old Chelsea fan Charlie Perry had a right laugh last Sunday. First, he went on a 15-hour bender with his pals up the west end of London during which he drank at least twenty cans of cider and - as he poetically phrased it - “banged a load of powder.”
Next, he expressed his sense of excited anticipation about that evening’s Euros final by pulling down his pants and shooting a firework out of his arse in the middle of a crowded street.
As the cider coursed through his veins, the cocaine danced a jig across his brain’s limbic system and bright red sparks of fire cascaded from his anus, Charlie must have felt wonderful.
I’d go as far as to venture that, at the exact moment an onlooker took that now infamous picture of him with the firework exploding out of his shitter - a tableaux that will surely come to be regarded by future historians as the defining image of our times - Charlie Perry was thinking to himself: “This is it. THIS is what it means to be English. THIS is what freedom looks like. THIS is why I, Charlie Perry, am the greatest man to have ever lived.”
Yep, Charlie Perry is a prick alright. But, worryingly, when I read about his weekend antics - including his storming of the gates at Wembley to enter the ground without a ticket - a tiny voice at the back of my mind whispered ‘what a legend.’
This was probably a lost voice from a previous version of me who used to enjoy similarly wild eyed days at the football. No, I never shot a firework out of my bum hole. But did the manic pre-match atmosphere, cocaine and booze ever make me contemplate the notion of a shooting a firework out of my bumhole? Maybe, yes. I can’t remember, I was battered. What I can tell you is that all sorts of weird shit can seem normal on match day when you’re in that sort of state.
When I was younger, I found the collective euphoria of away days really seductive. It felt exciting, anarchic and adventurous. It felt like a chance to temporarily suspend the codes of common decency that most of us lived by during our normal lives.
But why did any of us feel the need to do that? Anger, pain, frustration and bits and bobs of self-loathing and shame played a part for me. I used football drink and drugs to distract me from those feelings throughout the week. But on match day there was no need to hold back or hide any of it. There was a tacit agreement among me and all my mates: there were no limits to what we consumed or how and when we did so.
Men crave excitement and a taste of the rock n roll lifestyle when they’re young. They mistakenly think that they can live it by boshing a carrier bag full of warm lager on a crowded train from Euston to Manchester Piccadilly, topped up with horrible bumps of gear shakily snorted off a debit card in the wobbly toilets as they zoom through Doncaster.
My mates and I were not bad lads. There was no destruction or violence. There was no racism or misogyny. There was just boisterousness and hedonism. Lads are often looking for respect, identity and cathartic release. The tragedy is that they sometimes lack the confidence or imagination to seek it out in meaningful ways. They mistake getting wankered at the football as a legitimate shortcut.
The truth is that when I was younger I was full of emotions and feelings I had no ability to process or understand. I couldn’t express love or pride or frustration in an intelligent or adult way. I had no ability to reflect inwardly or communicate meaningfully with other blokes. I was like 90% of all the other men I knew: emotionally illiterate and largely confused. I had a heart, I felt love but I was embarrassed about showing it.
We’re all born with emotions and all have to face confusing, stressful and sometimes traumatic event in our lives. If we aren’t taught how to process all of that it can turn into an ugly, untamed monster that lurks inside of us and makes us behave in stupid ways. I used to tell myself that acting the cunt was fun. But I now have the self respect to know it was below me. And I have found the self confidence to know that I am just as much of a laugh - just as vibrant and even more capable of feeling joy - when I am sober and civil rather than shitfaced and obnoxious.
A year of therapy is cheaper than most season tickets. But I’m lucky enough to afford both. I won’t stop taking my son to football because of dickheads like Charlie Perry. Why should I? Him and all the other wankers are a minority, just a particularly noisy one. I’ll raise my kid to know the basics I wish I’d understood better when I was a young man: football is better when you’re sober; people are better when they’re sober; feelings are easier to cope with when you actually allow yourself to feel them; cocaine turns you into a cunt; and fireworks are for the garden, not your bumhole.
The Reset Extra
The Reset Extra is now live and allows you to get even more content every week for just £6 a month. That means the usual podcast ad free and a day early. Monthly Q&A’s. A community forum where we can all share our stories and get to know each other. Plus an extra weekly newsletter with tips, recommendations and stories from me.
If you’re not up for any of that, no worries. This newsletter will continue to go out on Fridays for free. Thanks for reading it.
If you’re already signed up, please get in touch to let me know what topics you’d like to see discussed on the forum. The first exclusive Reset Extra newsletter will arrive in your inboxes next Tuesday.
You can email me via this site or tweet me @delaneyman
The Reset Podcast - Ep 22 with John Bradley-West
This week’s guest was the mighty John Bradley-West from Game Of Thrones. he came to see me and Andy do Top Flight Time Machine live in Manchester in 2019 and we stayed in touch. I was really pleased he agreed to open up to me on the pod about the emotional impact of GOT coming to an end. We talked body image, self-doubt and J-Lo and John was so honest and frank. Please give it a listen when you get a second.
The Reset On Instagram
Don’t forget I’m resetting my demons one image at a time over on Instagram. Please follow me @TheResetSam
Some services, links and phone numbers to help you through the tough times
https://www.samaritans.org/ Tel 116 123
@calm 0800 58 58 58
@YoungMindsUK 0800 018 2138
@ChairtySane 0300 304 7000
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/
https://cocaineanonymous.org.uk/
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/