Four tips for sober January
Plus a chance to get a signed copy of my new book and more Reset news
Hello. How’s dry January going? Miserable innit? It doesn’t have to be. Below I’ve written my tips - learned over the course of almost eight years of happy sobriety - to quit drinking without abandoning your social life or turning into a weirdo.
But before all that, a quick welcome to my new subscribers. I hope you enjoy The Reset, which was originally launched to speak to men about mental health and sobriety but now, happily, has an audience comprised of all the genders. The Reset is for anyone with an interest in talking about mental health without all the bollocks.
I’ve got loads of new stuff planned for 2023.
From now on, free subscribers will be getting two monthly newsletters plus the weekly Reset podcast emailed directly to their inbox. I’ve already got some brilliant guests lined up for the coming weeks.
Subscribers to the Reset Extra will pay just £1.15 a week and get all of the above plus two bonus newsletters every month AND the weekly Club Reset podcast, which features me in a group conversation with mates, listeners and the occasional celeb or expert. (If you pay an annual subscription up front, it works out at a paltry 96p a week - I’m basically mugging myself off and you should cash in on my stupidity).
Reset Extra subscribers also get to be more of an active part of the community, by joining our new chat groups and taking part in monthly video live streams with me and fellow subscribers. They’re sort of like group therapy sessions but much more of a laugh.
Finally, I’ve introduced a new Founding Member level for the legends who want to really support The Reset and help it grow. In return for £200 a year you get all of the above plus a signed copy of my new book (see below), an invite to one of the February launch events in either London or Manchester and a one-to-one Zoom call with me. I’m not an expert or a professional on mental health or addiction but I am someone who has been through it all and come out the other side - and I’m happy to share my experiences with you if it helps.
I produce the Reset in my spare time. I enjoy it loads and have made a number of brilliant new mates through setting up this community. But it takes up a shitload of time and energy so if you can upgrade, please do. It’ll help the whole thing to keep going through 2023 and beyond.
My new book is out Feb 9th!
You can pre-order it from Amazon here
Or if you prefer to buy from an independent, you can pre-order the hardback from Bookshop.org here
Anyway, on with the tips…
7 Tips On How To Stop Drinking Without It Being A Big Deal
I remember doing dry January and finding it a right boring pain in the arse. In the end, I switched to doing dry February because it was so much shorter.
But the very fact that I was fretting so much over performative periods of abstinence should have been enough to tell me I had a problem with booze.
Things got much easier for me when I just made a unilateral decision to quit drinking permanently. From then on, I didn’t have to wrestle constantly with my conscience or rely on my piss-poor willpower to get me through dry days, weeks or months.
Some people get physical withdrawal symptoms when they quit drink but most people don’t. Addicts come in different shapes and sizes. Just because you can go a few days booze-free without turning into Renton from Trainspotting, locked in a room with a bucket and some tins of soup, doesn’t mean you haven’t got a problem.
I have a simple way of establishing whether or not you may have a drink problem: if you regularly promise yourself you are not going to have a drink, then wind up having one anyway and consequently feel a bit shit about it then, yes, you have a problem.
Either way, we all have to try and withdraw from the drinking culture that surrounds us if we want to get sober (even temporarily).
Everyone drinks and social lives, friendships and work are built around booze. But you probably don’t want to sacrifice all that. This is why you might worry that sober life is fucking boring. I did too. I was wrong.
You can navigate your way through the day to day of sobriety without becoming a weird hermit. Here’s some tips that might help you in the early stages…
Arrive early, leave early
With sober eyes, you will notice that people tend to be on their best form after their first drink. They relax and become more friendly but are not yet boring, loud or repetitive.
For that reason I developed a habit of getting to work drinks or parties about twenty minutes in. People are starting to loosen up and you can enjoy a Heineken Zero with them without getting irritated.
Once they’re a bit more pissed, it’s really easy to slip away without anyone noticing. Treat yourself to a kebab on the way home - you’ve saved yourself a bunch of money and calories so you can afford it.
Drive
When I was a young drinker in the early 90s I used to watch Beverly Hills 90210 and marvel at the lifestyle of the rich Californian teenagers who - unlike any teen I’d ever met - didn’t have acne and never threw up on night buses.
The best thing about them was that they drove everywhere they went, which I found impossibly chic.
Imagine going out for dinner or drinks then, at the end of the evening, simply slipping into your nice car and driving home on the dark, twinkling streets, laughing to yourself as you watch pissed-up derelicts stumbling about on the kerb-sides, trying to find their Ubers.
It’s a great feeling, I can tell you. Makes you feel all grown up.
Don’t own a car? Just embrace something else that drinkers can’t do but you can - like competent sex when you get in on a Friday night - or the will to jog round the park on a Saturday morning.
Invest in grown up drinks
Fizzy pop is for kids, water is for nerds and drinking tea or coffee after 5pm is for fucking loonies.
You need a grown up drink to relax with at the end of a day: something refreshing but not too sweet; something that feels like a little bit of a treat.
When I first quit drinking, the dominant brand in the market was Becks Blue which was pretty disgusting. Thankfully, things have moved on and there are now whole aisles in Tescors devoted to alcohol-free drinks.
I have tried almost every beer out there and used to be a regular on the excellent website drydrinker.com, which allowed me to taste test every zero per cent out there. But these days I know what my favourites are and I stick to them.
I wish I could tell you that the best ones were obscure wheat beers from Latvia or craft ales from Puglia. But the dreary truth is that my favourites are four of the most mainstream and readily available:
Heineken Zero for refreshment, Lucky Saint for something with a bit more a sophisticated flavour, Guinness Zero for a touch of the exotic and, lastly, Ghost Ship 0.5% if you prefer your beer brown and foamy.
I’m personally okay with 0.5% drinks (they have to put that on the label to cover themseleves in case an imperceptible amount of alcohol fermented in the brewing process but the amount in there is less than you’d imbibe from a quick rinse of Listerine).
Eat well
A pint of lager has the equivalent calories of a Snickers bar. Imagine going out with your mates and eating five or six Snickers in one night? Mental.
Now you’re not drinking, you’ve got a lot of unused calories in the bank so make sure you use them wisely.
I got into cooking when I first quit, partly so I could reward myself at the end of the day in new, non-booze ways. But also because it occupied my time and my brain at a moment in the day when I otherwise might have craced a drink. Go to a nice shop and buy yourself a couple of expensive ingredients. You’ll still be spending less than you would on an average night in the boozer.
Some services, links and phone numbers to help you through the tough times
https://www.samaritans.org/ Tel 116 123
@calm 0800 58 58 58
@YoungMindsUK 0800 018 2138
@CharitySane 0300 304 7000
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/
https://cocaineanonymous.org.uk/
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gambling-addiction/
Today I’m announcing a brand new addition to my Substack publication: the The Reset by Sam Delaney subscriber chat.
This is a conversation space in the Substack app that I set up exclusively for my subscribers — kind of like a group chat or live hangout. I’ll post short prompts, thoughts, and updates that come my way, and you can jump into the discussion.
To join our chat, you’ll need to download the Substack app, now available for both iOS and Android. Chats are sent via the app, not email, so turn on push notifications so you don’t miss conversation as it happens.
How to get started
Download the app by clicking this link or the button below. Substack Chat is now available on both iOS and Android.
Open the app and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.
That’s it! Jump into my thread to say hi, and if you have any issues, check out Substack’s FAQ.