How Can You Mend A Broken Head?

Stupid thoughts, seizures and an epiphany in a car park toilet

Me and my stupid head in 2013, pissed on a camel

On Sunday, I threw up in a public toilet. It was the first time in years. Still, you never lose the knack.

The toilets were in an outdoor car park. They were the kind that require you to pay 20p to gain access. I didn’t have any change on me so I just had to wait outside an occupied cubicle until someone vacated, then nip in before the door shut.

Once inside, I quickly fell to my knees and spewed angrily into the stainless steel bowl. Suddenly, I stopped. I panted and heaved for a few moments. Then just stared silently into the bowl and waited patiently, until…another surge of pale brown vomit gushed forth. My throat retched, my stomach strained, my eyes filled with hot tears.

I repeated this stop/start routine a further three or four times before I was spent.

And yet, in my mind, I remained calm. It all felt strangely familiar.

Back in my drinking days, this was the sort of semi-regular occurrence that I would have barely noticed. At worst, it would have been an irritating interruption to my day. At best, the basis of a wonderful anecdote for the lads. Either way, vomiting at inopportune moments in unpleasant places was something I accepted as an occupational hazard of the casual pisshead.