How Sharing Made Me Stronger

I thought people might take the piss when I started to open up. Luckily they didn't.

I’m writing a book. It will be out next year. It will be about mental health, addiction and all the other bollocks I write about here on The Reset.

When I first started The Reset in late 2020, I specifically stated that I never wanted to write a book again. I’d done three before and found the process quite stressful and arduous. The last one, in particular, proved such a pain in the arse to finish that I blame it for driving me deeper into the drink and drug problems I was struggling with at the time.

It was those drink and drug struggles, the subsequent process of recovery, and the gradual understanding of myself that came with it, which indirectly led to me starting this newsletter.

I never thought I’d be the sort of bloke to write something like this, where I bang on about feelings and all that. But, to be honest, it gets sort of addictive in itself. To the dismay of my wife and the others closest to me, I have basically developed a bad case of mental health Tourettes over the past year or two.

Once I started to open up about mental health here and there - first in a couple of articles, then on the podcast I do with my mate Andy Dawson, Top Flight Time Machine - it seemed to get a really positive response. I got so many emails and tweets from people saying that it helped them in some way. I discovered that sharing my vulnerabilities allowed other people to feel less ashamed about, or alone with, their own feelings.

I got a lot of thanks and a lot of praise which made me feel good about myself after a difficult spell in my life during which I had often felt like shit. Am I saying that the reason I write this stuff is because people’s responses help stroke my ego? Possibly, yes. Sorry.

Oh well, despite my best efforts, I have yet to completely let go of vanity and indulgent motivation. Still, there’s definitely worse endeavours I could pour all of that energy into.

Anyway, despite my previous claims that I would never turn this into a book, guess what? I’m turning it into a book. A publisher of some repute has been astute/kind/stupid enough to suggest putting The Reset’s brand of laddish, navel-gazing claptrap onto the shelves of the nation’s bookshops. Who am I, a humble dickhead with a laptop, various complexes and too much time on his hands, to doubt their judgment?

Luckily, I know I am in a much better place to write this book than I was back in 2015 when I completed my last effort. Back then, I was almost permanently drunk and high, struggling to cope with the exhaustion of three or four jobs, most of which I didn’t enjoy, frustrated, strung-out and riddled with self-doubt. Now, six years and eight months sober, a veteran of therapy and a man who is by no means zen but at least has learnt to look after himself and get some proper rest once in a while, I feel ready to knock out the seventy thousand words stipulated by the publishers in my contract. I’ve got until May, apparently.

If you are reading this (and who can blame you if you aren’t?) then you should know you have played a big part in helping me get to this place in my life and I am very grateful. It was a bit intimidating to start writing about my own feelings and experiences in such an honest way. I was obviously worried that I would expose myself to ridicule. Luckily, those who have been driven by my relentless outpourings to ridicule me (I’m sure there are thousands of you) have chosen to do so behind my back. I am grateful for that too.

But the messages of support and encouragement - both from people I know and people I don’t - has been life-changing for me. There is a small but beautiful community that has built up around The Reset occupied by people like me, who never saw themselves as the woo-woo type, but came to realise that sharing their feelings really helped. I feel great about that and feel massive warmth and gratitude towards all of those who have subscribed and/or engaged in what I’ve been doing.

When anyone tells me that my words have helped them, I get a buzz much stronger than the one I used to derive from drugs and booze. The truth is, writing this stuff is as much self-therapy as it is a service to others. So thanks for subscribing and listening to the podcast these last sixteen months (or however long you’ve been on board). You have made a weird old bald bastard a better, happier bloke.

Now please buy the fucking book when it comes out or I’m gonna look a right tit.

Subscribe to The Reset Extra to access the rest of this week’s newsletter

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This week’s podcast with Roland Orzabal

I have been a Tears For Fears fan since I was a kid so I was so chuffed to welcome Roland Orzabal onto the pod this week. He had always been a dream guest of mine - his lyrics, even from a young age, were so full of insight and introspection. Back when I was listening to Songs From The Big Chair when I was ten, I wouldn’t have had a fucking clue what he was on about, of course. But a couple of years ago I watched a brilliant doc on BBC Four about the making of that seminal album and learned so much about his life story, his deep interest in psychotherapy and the all the deep and dark corners that his songs come from.

When I saw he and band mate Curt Smith were making new material I jumped at the chance to book him on The Reset. The new album is called The Tipping Point and is genuinely great - vast, cinematic pop music with all the dramatic lyricism you’d expect. It’s out on February 25th and I recommend it hugely.

The chat with Roland didn’t disappoint either. I have interviewed many pop stars over the years but none who were so effortlessly open, honest and emotionally insightful. We talked about grief, love, anxiety, alcohol addiction, creativity and so much more. Roland lost his wife in 2017 and his journey since then has been extremely tough at times - his honesty about the whole experience was deeply moving.

I hope you enjoy listening. Sorry about the slightly iffy sound quality - I was in a hotel room in Amsterdam, he was in Bath, and I think the Zoom connection was a bit fucked.

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Me On The Long Bangers Podcast

I was privileged to be invited onto the excellent Long Bangers podcast last week. The pod started out as a football chat show for Hibernian fans. But the group of smart, funny lads who make it started to realise that they could also get something out of talking to each other about mental health and that. So they started doing side episodes about just that (the excellently titled ‘Heidbangers’). The down to earth tone of the pod is really in line with what I try to do with The Reset. I think it’s great - even if you have no interest in Hibs whatsoever, I can recommend giving it a listen.

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My New Shed

As regular readers will know, I place a big emphasis these days on taking care of myself, resting, relaxing and just hanging about the home drinking tea. In that spirit, I have recently had a fantastic garden room built in which I can write and record all of my content without ever having to go out the front door. It is bloody great, I love it and if you want something similar you should speak to the good people at Vita Modular who made it for me (yes, they gave me a discount for including that - but trust me they are really good).

Here is the piece I wrote in The Big Issue this week about the shed, early retirement, the exploitative nature of modern capitalism and the writing of Bertrand Russell.

I share my Big Issue column on here once In a while - but I think it would be great if you could think about subscribing to the magazine itself. Not only does it help thousands of homeless people across the UK in these difficult times, it is also a genuinely terrific publication with beautiful design, great writing and important ideas every week.

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Some services, links and phone numbers to help you through the tough times

https://www.samaritans.org/ Tel 116 123

@calm 0800 58 58 58

@YoungMindsUK 0800 018 2138

@CharitySane 0300 304 7000

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

https://cocaineanonymous.org.uk/

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gambling-addiction/