How To Be (Quite) Happy

Because life isn't all sh*t, is it?

My son Lenny, who is nine, has started his own podcast. It’s all about an imaginary football universe he started creating a few years ago. It was so vast, detailed, mad and hilarious that I began mentioning it on my own podcast, Top Flight Time Machine. Listeners seemed to really like it.

So now Len has started his own thing and asked me to be co-host and producer. He is very serious about it, writing proper running orders and topic outlines before we record. He is even learning to edit it himself. In a way, I hope he doesn’t learn how to do it all himself too quickly because then I might be redundant. For the time being, working on the podcast with him is enormously fulfilling for me. He’s learning some useful creative skills, yes, but more than that, it’s just a fun way for us to spend time together.

I’m telling you about this because I am proud of my son. But also because I want to focus a bit more on the little sources of joy that can make life so beautiful. I write a lot about dark times and struggles and how to overcome adversity in this newsletter. I do so in order to show other people that they are not alone in sometimes feeling overwhelmed, scared, worried, frustrated or ashamed.

But, you know, life isn’t all shit. Loads of it is wonderful. The trick is to spot the wonderful bits as they happen and really savour them.

My father in law got in touch to remind me of this. He is in his eighties and has had to navigate himself through more struggles than I ever have. He said I should write a bit about the golden moments that elevate my life. I said that no-one likes a smug cunt. There are plenty of people who write about mental health while simultaneously boasting about their own incredibly successful and serene existences. Which, ultimately, only contributes to the feelings of inadequacy that many of their readers are trying to overcome.

So I usually swerve writing too much about the good times.

But I will tell you this. My daughter, Coco, is 14 and easily the funniest person I know. She holds court at our dining table twice every day - at breakfast and dinner. She is not one of those loud, annoying teenagers. Her humour is gently acerbic; it feels like being slapped in the face with a velvet glove. She batters and bemuses me with her words. Sometimes she manages it with just a roll of her eyes. She belittles and condemns me in a way that only your own offspring really can. She cuts right to my very core with a smile and a wink and I lover her for it.

She keeps my feet on the ground and often makes me confront the daft truth about myself. But the way in which she does it - with so much eloquence and wit, just makes me swell with pride. I’ve always considered myself an elite-level piss-taker and have dished out loads to my own parents over the years. But Coco does it at a level I could never dream of. Her banter is psychedelic. But all of it is infused with love. Sometimes the two of us just go out for a drive so we can chat shit to each other for an hour or so without bothering anyone else. Time with her is a privilege.

I’ve written about my wife before: my best friend and the love of my life.

My life is pretty simple and small these days. I spend a great deal of it sat round a table with these three legends, sharing jokes and stories from our days. Showing interest in each other, taking the piss, mucking about, talking shit and losing ourselves in the beauty of it all. I think these are the moments that my father-in-law has reminded me to celebrate. I’m sorry if it makes me smug. But I suppose I am telling you all of this as a reminder to celebrate your own little moments of joy, whatever they might be.

I spent a great deal of my younger life expecting fulfilment and euphoria to be delivered by massive, extravagant moments: money, success, fame, status, the respect of strangers - blow jobs and charlie and first class flights and three nil victories under the floodlights.

But it’s all a big red herring. The joy in life is all around us all the time and often more simple than we have been conditioned to expect. I think it’s all about where you put your focus. These days, mine is trained solely on that dining table and the people who share it with me. Plus the cat, of course. Fuck me, if I didn’t have Nelson to talk to when I was feeling low I don’t know what I’d do. Whoever you are, you should really think about getting a cat. Maybe I’ll write about mine next week.

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Brand new podcast with Marc J Francis

Marc J Franics was a successful filmmaker with a busy career when he got the opportunity to film at Tich Na Han’s monastic community. What he learnt there would change his life forever. A fascinating insight to the Father Of Mindfulness and the way his teachings can be applied to real life.

The pod is now available on iTunes, Spotify and wherever else you get your podcasts from. Just click this magic link!

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Some services, links and phone numbers to help you through the tough times

https://www.samaritans.org/ Tel 116 123

@calm 0800 58 58 58

@YoungMindsUK 0800 018 2138

@CharitySane 0300 304 7000

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

https://cocaineanonymous.org.uk/

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gambling-addiction/