Inside The Cookie Jar
How to remind yourself how badass you are
Alright, how’s it going? Good, I hope.
Have you heard of this bloke David Goggins, the ex-Navy Seal?
I’m not usually into all that American tough guy malarkey to be honest. One minute they’re talking about mastering mental focus or building bullet-proof abs, the next you’re worried they might be denouncing feminism or claiming that Covid was a scam by the liberal establishment. All makes me a bit nervous.
That said, Goggins has a trademark motivational concept that I think is really brilliant. He calls it The Cookie Jar.
In his mind, there is a jar in which he keeps all the successes and failures he has ever experienced.
When times get tough and he starts to feel shit about himself, he reaches into this jar and pulls out an example of something he has overcome in the past.
Maybe it was a break up, a financial blow or career setback. Sometimes, he says, it’s something broader - such as the racial abuse he has received throughout his life.
Whatever it is, it serves as a powerful reminder that he has overcome shit in the past, so he will do so again. And each time he does it, he will become stronger.
As Goggins puts it: “Remind yourself of how badass you are in times of need.”
I was introduced to this thought by my personal trainer, Jordan (who is a big Goggins fan). He applies it to physical fitness: the idea that when you’re struggling to run that extra mile or lift that extra kilo, you can reach into the cookie jar to remind yourself that you have done it before. You tell your body that there is nothing to be afraid of and that you know you are capable.
But it can apply to any sort of challenge.
These last few months I have faced a few big challenges of my own. I took the difficult decision to close down a company that had been struggling for a while and caused me years of stress. In better news, I started a new business that has taken up a great deal of my time. I resolved to get fitter and stronger, changing my diet and training more regularly. I remortgaged my house in order to secure my finances against whatever is about to happen to the economy (and if you are self employed like me, you will know all about the stress of trying to get any sort of mortgage). While all of this was going on in the background, I was doing my day job and finishing a new book, which will be published next year.
Some of this stuff was exciting, some of it was unavoidable, all of it was tough. There were times when it all felt overwhelming. In the past, that sort of overwhelm might have driven me to the comforting oblivion of drink and drugs.
But now, seven years sober, I have two safety nets that stop me from burning out and doing something stupid.
Firstly, I recognise the stress and exhaustion I am feeling and acknowledge the need to take some time out to rest. In the past, I would have just kept ploughing on to the point of collapse.
Second, I have my cookie jar. When I felt that the financial worries or business challengers were going to drag me under, I recalled the tougher times I had navigated my way through in the past. A few years back, my business nearly collapsed over night, with no warning. I had thousands of pounds stolen from me and didn’t know how to pay my mortgage. It was fucking horrible but I kept my nerve and got through it. These last few months were easy by comparison.
When I felt lost in writing my book and concerned that I might miss my deadline, I thought about all the frantic nights I had spent finishing my last book. The books that nearly killed me. The one I thought would never see the light of day. But I finished it -and it was a success. This time round, I kept reminding myself that I had got through the whole process once before and would do so again.
We all have our own jars. The fact that we are all here today means that we’ve managed to face down all the crap life has thrown at us so far and lived to tell the tale. It’s all there in the cookie jar. Or, as we Brits prefer to call it, the biscuit tin.
Next time you’re having a shitty day, have a dip inside yours.
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Some services, links and phone numbers to help you through the tough times
https://www.samaritans.org/ Tel 116 123
@calm 0800 58 58 58
@YoungMindsUK 0800 018 2138
@CharitySane 0300 304 7000
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gambling-addiction/
This sounds like it could work. Sounds like your cookie jar is about as big as mine Sam.