Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. This post maybe should have happened 24 hours ago. What can I say? I forgot, sue me.
But every day is a good day to remember that all of us have mental health and, just like physical health, it can fluctuate from time to time.
Unlike most physical ailments, bad mental health is often invisible and usually difficult to explain. You can just wake up feeling shit sometimes and, occasionally, that feeling can hang around for a while and make life pretty tough.
As someone who has enjoyed a generally happy life punctuated by the odd prolonged episode of being suffocatingly miserable, I know how tough it is to suffer in silence.
The first couple of times I experienced depressive episodes I kept my mouth shut about it because I was asahmed and scared. Ashamed because I thought I had no good justification for feeling the way I felt. And scared of how people would react if I owned up. I thought they would say I was weak or mental or whingy or entitled. I thought I was all of those things.
We’re going back more than ten years here, so attitudes were different. This widepsread chat about mental health just wasn’t a thing yet. I assumed that I was the only thirty-something bloke in the world who was waking up terrifed and full of self-hate every day.
I didn’t realise that struggling with poor mental health was as common as catching a cold in winter. And that just like catching a cold, you didn’t need a justifcation for it. Sometimes it just happens. When it does, you need to recognise it and take care of yourself.
This is why I write this newsletter and make the Reset podcasts. I’m no expert on mental health, that’s for sure. First and foremost, this is a selfish excercise: getting stuff off my chest makes me feel better. It’s like a release valve on a pressure cooker. I like to normalise talking about the ups and downs of my mental health. Talking and writing about it helps me do that. The more I do it, the more casual it becomes, the less scary it is.
That’s just what works for me. Not everyone is as comfortable with blurting out every detail of their inner lives. I don’t blame them either - and I’m not saying it is necessary for you to produce confessionals as publicly (and relentlessly) as I do.
But even if it’s just in conversation with people you trust, I think everyone should make themselves more comfortable with talking out loud about the way they feel.
Sharing with others helps you feel less alone (and a lot less weird) than you thought you were. People are kinder than you think when you show a bit of vulnerability. Sometimes, just having them quietly listen and understand can work wonders on your mood. And sometimes they might even be able to help you break your worries down, making them seem less overwhelming. They might even help you make a plan on how to make things better (even if that plan is simply to step back, take a breath and do nothing).
But perhaps the best reason for being a little bit more open about yourself is that it shows others that you might be up for them sharing back. By chucking the odd remark about your own struggles into conversation (something as small as ‘I had a shit night’s sleep, up all night worrying about everything and nothing again’) you advertise yourself as an ally to others. They might pick up on something you said and realise you are someone they can open up to.
Sometimes people open up to me. I’m gutted for mates when they tell me they’re going through a bad phase. But I am also touched that they feel they can talk to me about it.
It goes round and round in what marketing wankers call ‘a virtuous circle.’ I am forever grateful to the people who first understood me when I finally confessed to my own mental health struggles. And I try to show people around me that I am there if they ever need me. I’m no expert and I can’t fix their problems. But I can at least listen, understand and tell them that things will definitely get better. They really will.
We’re all in this together, gang.
The Reset Live Event in London
Come along and say hello on Monday 25th October at the Marylebone Bar in central London. It will be a right laugh - some good music, drinks of all varieties, loads of helpful chat and some brilliant guests. It would be lovely to meet you. All proceeds to the magnificent Campaign Against Living Miserably.
Give The Reset a hand
If you like reading the Reset and listening to the podcast why not consider supporting it by becoming a paid subscriber? It’s a fiver a month and you get access to a weekly bonus podcast, Club Reset, in which you have the opportunity to chat directly with me and other members about mental health and whatever else you fancy.
The Reset Pod Ep 70 with The Secret Drug Addict
This one seemed to go down really well with listeners. Fascinating bloke with a powerful story to tell. Listen here.
Some services, links and phone numbers to help you through the tough times
https://www.samaritans.org/ Tel 116 123
@calm 0800 58 58 58
@YoungMindsUK 0800 018 2138
@CharitySane 0300 304 7000
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/
https://cocaineanonymous.org.uk/
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gambling-addiction/