Meditation for men, Jedis and legends
How I finally learned to press pause on my brain
Before this week’s letter
Amazon are doing a limited-time special offer on both my mental health books this month. Sort Your Head Out and Stop Shitting Yourself are currently both 99p each on Kindle. An absolute bargain you’d be foolish to miss out on! BUY THEM HERE
Praise for Sort Your Head Out
‘This book is fantastic and could be such a great force for good in the world. Sam's reading of it adds to the whole relatability of his experiences too.’ RUTH JONES
'An honest, funny account of how we're all capable of changing for the better' SETH MEYERS
‘This book will save lives.’ IRVINE WELSH
Praise for Stop Shitting Yourself
'Fucking great book helped me calm the fuck down - well needed' SHAUN RYDER
'We bottle everything up, then we catastrophise and medicalise it all. But being human is about feeling a little pain, that's where the growth lies. Let's accept we'll all feel bad from time to time and let's air that. If you're looking inject a little healthy perspective into your life, this is a good place to start' IRVINE WELSH
'One great big deep breath of a book. A funny, honest, human antidote to "high performance" piffle' DANNY WALLACE
My live webinar tonight!
The last few tickets are available here
(Use your exclusive discount code REST25 for a 10% discount)
Meditation and mindfulness: turns out it’s not all a right load of cobblers
There’s a bit in The Phantom Menace where Liam Neeson is having an awesome lightsaber fight with a baddie called Darth Maul. The pair are momentarily separated by an impenetrable, transparent wall. During this pause in proceedings, Darth Maul strides up and down angrily, staring at Neeson and trying to intimidate him. But Neeson (a Jedi) calmly takes a knee, shuts his eyes, and begins to breathe deeply.
Eventually, the wall disappears and the pair get straight back at it. Neeson is just as ready to reprise the fighting as his furious competitor. He has spent the break recharging, maintaining his focus and steadying his emotions. What an absolute badass.
My lifelong love of Star Wars taught me a great deal about mindfulness without me even noticing: “Be mindful of the future, but not at the expense of the present moment.” “Do or do not. There is no try.” “Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our point of view.”
These are the ideas and insights that are threaded through the Star Wars movies, penned by George Lucas, who practices meditation and has studied Buddhism for many years.
I was lured into Star Wars as a kid by the fighting and spaceships. I wish I had focused more on the messages about mental health, self-awareness, and emotional regulation on which the movies were rooted. Only in middle age have I begun to understand how important it is to be aware of our unruly thoughts, how they shape our emotions, and how they impact our behaviour.
When I stopped drinking, I became more aware of my troublesome thoughts because I was no longer able to numb them out with alcohol. For a while, I tried to numb them in other ways: exercise, work, spending money and scoffing food. But these were just temporary distractions from my overactive brain, which never stopped scanning for new things to worry about.
I have had to learn a little bit of acceptance: the human brain is a right busy bastard. The fight or flight instinct helped us survive and evolve as a species. The trouble is, this instinct is hard to silence. It is always encouraging us to look out for threats to our safety. This is why, whenever I overcome one worry, another soon takes its place.
You’re worried about money and start earning more or cutting your spending. You feel good about that for a day or two, but then you wake up with a slight twinge in your shoulder and convince yourself you have cancer. You go to the doctor, who tells you it’s nothing to worry about. ‘That’s nice,’ you think to yourself. ‘Now I can get on with my life.’ Only a mate says something a bit cutting to you in the pub that night, and you interpret it as a nuclear attack on your character, losing hours, days, or weeks ruminating on the comment, resenting your friend, and questioning yourself.
It goes round and round. The brain never stops. You can change your lifestyle and increase the positives: exercise, sobriety, therapy, healthy eating, and stronger personal boundaries. These are the things that have made me happier.
But the brain will still find ways to fuck with you.
This year, I have committed to a mindfulness course. I always suspected that it might be a load of old cobblers. If my life is full of legitimate problems, how can slowing down and focusing on the moment help?
But my cynicism was shattered when a newspaper asked me to write a long feature about mindfulness a while back. I spoke to the movement's godfathers, learned about its scientific credibility, met people whose lives had changed, and digested the data that unequivocally supported its efficacy.
I knew I needed something to relieve the pressure and stress I still felt a. So I signed up for an eight-week course, and it has started to change my entire perspective on life.
From the moment I wake up, I am bombarded with thoughts about what has happened to me in the past, what might cause me problems in the future, or the pressing matters I need to take care of right now. Sometimes, the avalanches of mental to-do lists can get out of hand.
So I press pause. I shut the door. I focus on my breathing. And I watch the thoughts, the worries, the fears and the constant urge to take action float by, like clouds in the sky. I notice the way I am feeling. I don’t try to fight against it or distract myself. I let it be. And I realise that my life still goes on, half the stuff I worry about is speculative or imaginary. The time I spend shitting myself about events that rarely happen is a complete waste.
I am not that good at clearing my mind completely. My brain still wanders all over the place while I meditate. But I’ve realised that’s okay. The stillness, the moments of peace, the awareness of my thoughts, the acceptance of my feelings: these are the things that benefit me. I used to be locked in a constant struggle with myself: trying to numb out, distract from or outrun the worries in my mind. Now I accept, observe, and understand that thoughts are not always rooted in reality but just the product of a busy mind that has evolved to fret.
I stop, focus on my breathing, and remind myself that these thoughts and feelings will eventually pass, just like the clouds in the sky. And then, PING! My alarm on my phone goes off, I realise it’s been a solid eight minutes of meditation, and it’s time to return to being a legend.
Am I effectively a Jedi now? Well, not quite. The course is eight weeks long, and I’m just into week six. Just by committing to a daily practice, my brain is slowly being re-wired to worry less, accept more and release itself from the struggle.
By July, watch out, because I might be able to lift heavy objects with the power of my mind.
I am not an expert, so here’s someone who understands the benefits of mindfulness better than me, explaining it for you in ten very compelling minutes
Some services, links and phone numbers to help you through the tough times
https://www.samaritans.org/ Tel 116 123
https://www.thecalmzone.net
@YoungMindsUK 0800 018 2138
@CharitySane 0300 304 7000
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/
https://cocaineanonymous.org.uk/
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gambling-addiction/