The beauty of quitting

If in doubt, just walk away. Your mental health will thank you for it.

Jan 26, 2023

I was delighted to read that Jacinda Ardern had quit unexpectedly as prime miniser of New Zealand. What a beautiful thing to do - and what a great example to everyone else in the world who is sticking around in a job that they are too exhausted to do properly anymore.

I found her words on the subject very powerful:

“I’m leaving, because with such a privileged role comes responsibility – the responsibility to know when you are the right person to lead and also when you are not. I know what this job takes. And I know that I no longer have enough in the tank to do it justice. It’s that simple. I am human, politicians are human. We give all that we can for as long as we can. And then it’s time. And for me, it’s time.”

There is something so dignified about quitting when you’re at the top.

Clinging to power is embarrassing and a bit grubby. Most leaders stay well past their sell by date, driven to desperation - mostly by their egos. You see it in politics and football management all the time (Arsene Wenger being the absolute classic of the genre).

But it happens in all lines of work. Often, it’s the result of people being institutionalised. They have done the same thing for so long they just can’t imagine what a different life might look like.

It’s scary moving on. But it’s doable. It’s rare you ever hear someone expressing regrets about quitting a job. But you hear people moaning about their current jobs every day.

Personally, I’ve never stuck around in a job long enough to get too emotionally attached to it, much less institutionalised by it. I move on quickly.

It’s about self-care. My mum used to always say to me about school, work or anything else that was getting me down and making me feel trapped: ‘Sam, it’s not a life sentence. Nothing is. Not even life sentences these days! They all get let out early for good fucking behaviour!’

Notwithstanding her slightly draconian attitude to criminal justice, my mum was right. By constantly reminding me that life was fluid and there was almost always other options, she instilled in me a sense of freedom. It’s really important to perceive yourself as free. The moment you start to see yourself out of alternative options, life - particularly working life - can start to seem pretty suffocating.

I always have a plan B, C and D in my back pocket. Why? Because I feel as if I am protecting myself from exploitation by unscrupulous/annoying/useless employers and colleagues. Not to come over all Karl Marx or anything, but in all jobs someone will at some stage try to exploit you. They will try to send out dog whistle messages along the lines of ‘if you don’t bend to my will you will put your job, your livelihood and the welfare of your children in peril.’

The signs are subtle. The threats are never explicit. But in silent, nuanced ways we are reminded that the Sword of Damocles hangs above us constantly.

If life outside of your job feels like a terrifying vortex of despair then you will find yourself bending over backwards for your employer. This is why people work such long hours, do stuff that doesn’t quite fit in with their own personal values, sometimes punch downwards, put up with wankers and feel obliged to answer emails at 10pm on a Sunday. Fuck that. Fuck all of it.

Yes, not everyone can sit in their garden shed podcasting and writing bullshit for a living like I do. But you have to understand, I built a career out of making my own content specifically because I never wanted to have a boss ever again.

It was my top priority. I used everything I had learned over the course of my career, working with and for numerous other people, to fashion a lifestyle whereby I answered to pretty much no-one and got to say and write whatever I wanted. I am aware not everyone is in a position to do this. I am not putting it forward as a feasible lifestyle choice for everyone. And I’m not about to start trying to flog my ‘freedom system’ as an overpriced and slightly implausible online course. I’m just telling you that I don’t much like being told where to be, what to do and what time I need to turn up to do it. So I worked hard to find a way around all of that bollocks.

Along the way, as I was accumulating all the experience I needed to get to this point, I accepted numerous jobs and quit almost all of them.

I wanted to keep seeking new working experiences. And I didn’t want to hang around long enough for anyone to get sick of me. Most of all, I just wanted to feel free and in charge of my own destiny. Especially when I started a family. I just didn’t want to feel as if my kids’ future was somehow in the hands of some know-nothing in middle management. So I quit, I quit and I quit again. By God, it felt good.

Sometimes I didn’t need to quit because the company I was working for just collapsed (I’ve been involved in a lot of start-ups and launches - they are exciting but terrifying). And once or twice I just didn’t get my contract renewed - which is a bit like being sacked but not quite as humiliating.

But mostly I quit. I always knew when the time was right. It was when I felt as if I was losing control of the stuff that made me happy or sad.

If work was making me miserable and I was unable to make the changes necessary to improve the situation, I would just walk away. When I look back on my 26 years in the media, I genuinely think I was right every single time.

Once I quite a big job at a magazine because a management figure told me off for organising a Christmas drinks without telling her about it first. I found this cheap, childish and absurd. I might have pitied her for being so small minded had I not realised that she had some agency over me. The short, ugly exchnage we shared in a cold meeting room neatly encapsulated the issues I’d had with the job for several months. I had found myself being engulfed in a relentless series of silly, playground-level disputes and petty political wrangles engineered by people I had scant respect for. It just made me unhappy and there wasn’t enough good stuff to compensate for all the rubbish. So I quit without a second thought. Mind you, I can’t say the company put up the biggest fight to keep hold of me. I got the impression that the final outcome was one that suited both parties. I was happy about that. They probably deserved someone who was more enthusiastic and less irritable than me, anyway.

When I look back on moments like that, I am proud that I always put myself as a human first and working stiff second.

I might not have realised it at the time but I was always making professional decisions on the basis of my mental health. The only times my mental health suffered was when I didn’t quit soon enough.

This newsletter is by no means intended as an advice column. I like to share my own thoughts and experiences in case they help the odd person relate and feel less alone. But I always like to stress that you should be extremely fucking cautious about listening to anything I say. I am an imperfect case study and a deeply flawed tutor.

That said: if in doubt, fucking quit. You’ll never look back.

My new book - out Feb 9th!

I’ve been getting some really great reviews for the new book from people who I count as real heroes. I’ve been knocked out by the reaction. I am shitting myself a bit about the book coming out but very excited too. Please buy a copy! Or maybe two (one to read, one to eat).

Buy My Book!

The Pod Archives - Unleashed!

Over the past month or so I have been delighted to note that quite a few new subscribers have joined The Reset. Welcome, everyone.

I thought now would be a good time to start re-releasing some of the classics from the podcast archive. We are now 81 episodes in and the first twenty or so didn’t have that many listeners. But there are some gems in there - from episode one with Shaun Ryder talking about drugs and friendship, to Chris Ryan talking about the trauama of life in the SAS to Adrian Chiles talking about his ADHD and realtionship with booze.

So anyway, keep an eye out for a few of my favourites dropping into your podcast app over the coming weeks. I hope you enjoy listening. But don’t worry, there will still be a fresh episode with a brand new guest coming out every week. Plus, for paid subscribers to The Reset Extra, the weekly Club Reset episode too.

Anyway, that’s it for this week. I’ll leave you with a reminder to listen to the latest episode with the amazing Geraint John.