Thanks Sam for more of your honest, heartfelt writing. Thankfully I never became a huge fan of coke. During my time working in the music industry in London in the 90s, I knew many users and their dealers, and it was always on offer if I wanted it. The drug always came with this tag of glamour in those circles, it was almost de rigeur to have a bang if it was offered. For me it always ended up in a situation where you would need a snort every 5 minutes just to maintain the high, and it became the be-all and end-all of the night to get back there. It dawned on me that it was a truly shit experience, because you were always chasing that first hit, which was never all it was cracked up to be in the first place. The idea of cocaine was always better than the reality...something about the feelings conjured by the word, the idea of it as an expensive 'treat' and its association with decadent 70s rock star living. Maybe it was just me and possibly others didn't experience that feeling of constantly coming down, but ultimately I'm just very glad it didn't get its hooks in me.
You are lucky Ben. Not everyone gets sucked in. I always thought I was the most sensible among all of my mates when it came to drugs and drinking. I had a take it or leave it attitude for most of my 20's and 30's. And then, when I was least expecting it, I got balls deep into the stuff without even noticing it was happening. Coke is a clever, deceptive, manipulative drug like that. My addiction was a slow burn. You're right about it's 'brand' though. It's been successfully portrayed as a glamorous and deluxe product. But it is the only drug that nobody actually enjoys taking. Fucking weird stuff.
Cheers for the article Sam, great read as always. I am in recovery and whilst I still go to meetings regularly, it’s always good to get identification with another addict. It helps to remember the bad times, while appreciating that there is a way out.
To anyone who connects with what Sam has said, just reach out for help. I did that 3 1/2 years ago and don’t regret it for a second.
I’m also IFS and have my ticket to Brown John booked up, so thanks for your content and looking forward to the live show.
Nice one Josh, means a lot hearing that from you. Incredible work on the 3 and a half years. I am not a regular at CA but feel I should be. I see a therapist once a week who sort of works the programme with me. But whenever I have done meetings they have been very helpful. I just need to get into more of a habit of doing them regular. Good luck with the future and thanks for buying tickets to Brown John, it's gonna be MASSIVE
I'm aware of your work so i will keep it short, best article written about cocaine use for normal functioning fellas... i went from having a few lines at weekend to buying a gram at weekend and then working up to 3 wraps for a oner most days a week, still working and snorting in steady job... that was in 2005... i hate the stuff but havent had any for nearly 2 months and im really proud of myself but reading your article has made me instantly think about getting some (i wont) and thats the insane power the shit has over you.... i haven't dramatically ruined lives through using it but ive got regrets that ive not been a great person at times, mainly money related ... cheers Sam... i know you aint interested in reading ya comments , you still have cocaine self centred attitude without the habit...
Hi mate. Glad you like the article. And well done for two months sober. Cocaine is life-ruining but you can only see just how bad it is when you're finally free from it's grasp. I can highly recommend CA or at least talking to a therapist or similar. Start facing up to it and admitting it and suddenly conquering the habit gets 1000% easier. Good luck mate (and I am confused by your final snide remark, look back through all of these pieces and you will see I go out of my way to reply to everyone who comments and spend a great deal of my week replying to emails from people who are struggling too).
I knew my snide remark was too much, maybe its listening to you and Dawson too much and as usual misread the tone, this is the first one ive read, anyway i was genuinely moved to write to you... trying to get the missus to read it now , doubt she will... she was totally unintersted in listening to your commentary of Blobby at a royal wedding....
TFTM is a laugh but all that telling listenrs to fuck off is tongue in cheek. This is a very different, more personal ting I've got going on. I always like a laugh but I have spent many hours (and quite a lot of money) on kicking the cocaine mindset you refer to. The whole point of this exercise is to give something back and I am glad I (might) have done that in some small way for you.
I only use it occasionally and some nights I can go out drinking and fight the urge. Then there are the times where nothing will stop me from getting it. When I do it is like I feel I have unleashed something that I can’t get a hold of. I hate it when it takes over. I feel so ashamed the next day or when I am laying in bed at 3am regretting my decision.
I have done A LOT of coke in my adult life. Some of them leading to 24/48 hour sessions. None of which I am proud of.
I just want to not crave it anymore or at least be stronger every time I feel the urge.
I live in Sydney, Australia and it is $300 a bag here. So doing it really hurts your bank account.
First time I have ever typed anything online or on a forum about what I am going through.
Stumbled across this while frantically googling "How to know when you have fucked your nose beyond belief with coke". You have perfectly described my every inner thought over these last 6-7 years of bring addicted to cocaine. I'm very appreciative that you gave me a chance to laugh at myself and yourself while going through a very shite time. Thank you for writing this. I don't think you realise how many people you are helping even just by being relatable and finding humour in a fucked up situation. I felt great comfort reading this knowing I wasn't alone.
Hi Sam. My girlfriend has just emerged from doing a lot of coke with her previous partner. When we first met she blames him for upping her usage - from 'a couple of times a year' to a gram most weekends. She described the fear she would feel going for a drink with him and his mates on a Friday and promising she wouldn't do it through to her :suicide Tuesday' comedown. I've never done it but have been around it all my adult life - I'm now 45. I'm very proud of her for kicking the habit - she did people places things without realising she was doing it. But occasionally she still talks about it with a sort of wistfulness. So I guess your article resonated with me. It's a fucking horrid, insidious drug. Thanks for speaking publicly about it.
What a wonderful piece of writing. I was an utter arsehole (so I'm told) on coke. A change of career, where I was now subject to random drug/alcohol testing, forced me to stop. Reading this shows me where I would have inevitably ended up, and where many of my friends, sadly have. Thanks Sam.
Cheers mate, wrote this a while back but felt very pertinent this morning! The whole country is addicted to gear. When I was a kid I swear it was regarded as bad as heroin. Now it's more casual than weed!
Right on the button once more, Sam. To again say you've 'nailed it" falls way short with this one- as others have stated, it could & does now exist readily as a stand-alone Coke 1.01 & Beyond article. As an aid to others wrapped within its grasp, to a trip down memory lane to mindless drug Hoover's, as I also was, thankfully a long, long time ago now.
My use of all.....nothing injectable but everything else, when Coke was beyond the means of most, and definitely myself.....where blues, dexxys, bombers...then Sulphate akimbo...was the way. Thel tale told is unchanged, of course, regardless of gear de jour......and hash, back when it could be had could also run riot if allowed to. Most all of my friends, up until I was 22, and all but stopped the whole shebang, kept going and using all or most of it in greater amounts.
I was married, and it was just not an option, and 20yrs plus would pass with whatever friends remaining still massively linvolced, now dealing heavily, busted repeatedly etc.....but for the grace of whatever, I escaped. I've had respectful dabbles over the years, but for me, I must consider myself fortunate compared to many.
Like you, Sam, re alcohol, I rid myself of binge drinking, which, as a very senior nurse, I only did on days off, strictly, but came close to it being the end of me, and it forcing my hand, mercifully, to stop. This back in 1995, and Me now a guy on the cusp of 40, along with cigarettes, both successfully cold turkeyed and gone to this present day.
It takes, as you've highlighted, huge resolve even for those of us more able, for whatever reason, to turn that particular type of page.
Brilliant, brilliant work, Sam, thank you for the self effacing way you retell your own stories for all of us to enjoy, to benefit from, sincerely thanks, mate, for your time & input....this one truly is an absolute belter!!
Thanks Sam for more of your honest, heartfelt writing. Thankfully I never became a huge fan of coke. During my time working in the music industry in London in the 90s, I knew many users and their dealers, and it was always on offer if I wanted it. The drug always came with this tag of glamour in those circles, it was almost de rigeur to have a bang if it was offered. For me it always ended up in a situation where you would need a snort every 5 minutes just to maintain the high, and it became the be-all and end-all of the night to get back there. It dawned on me that it was a truly shit experience, because you were always chasing that first hit, which was never all it was cracked up to be in the first place. The idea of cocaine was always better than the reality...something about the feelings conjured by the word, the idea of it as an expensive 'treat' and its association with decadent 70s rock star living. Maybe it was just me and possibly others didn't experience that feeling of constantly coming down, but ultimately I'm just very glad it didn't get its hooks in me.
You are lucky Ben. Not everyone gets sucked in. I always thought I was the most sensible among all of my mates when it came to drugs and drinking. I had a take it or leave it attitude for most of my 20's and 30's. And then, when I was least expecting it, I got balls deep into the stuff without even noticing it was happening. Coke is a clever, deceptive, manipulative drug like that. My addiction was a slow burn. You're right about it's 'brand' though. It's been successfully portrayed as a glamorous and deluxe product. But it is the only drug that nobody actually enjoys taking. Fucking weird stuff.
Cheers for the article Sam, great read as always. I am in recovery and whilst I still go to meetings regularly, it’s always good to get identification with another addict. It helps to remember the bad times, while appreciating that there is a way out.
To anyone who connects with what Sam has said, just reach out for help. I did that 3 1/2 years ago and don’t regret it for a second.
I’m also IFS and have my ticket to Brown John booked up, so thanks for your content and looking forward to the live show.
Cheers,
Josh.
Nice one Josh, means a lot hearing that from you. Incredible work on the 3 and a half years. I am not a regular at CA but feel I should be. I see a therapist once a week who sort of works the programme with me. But whenever I have done meetings they have been very helpful. I just need to get into more of a habit of doing them regular. Good luck with the future and thanks for buying tickets to Brown John, it's gonna be MASSIVE
Spot on again Sam - the Cotton analogy fits perfectly- keep em’ coming...
I'm aware of your work so i will keep it short, best article written about cocaine use for normal functioning fellas... i went from having a few lines at weekend to buying a gram at weekend and then working up to 3 wraps for a oner most days a week, still working and snorting in steady job... that was in 2005... i hate the stuff but havent had any for nearly 2 months and im really proud of myself but reading your article has made me instantly think about getting some (i wont) and thats the insane power the shit has over you.... i haven't dramatically ruined lives through using it but ive got regrets that ive not been a great person at times, mainly money related ... cheers Sam... i know you aint interested in reading ya comments , you still have cocaine self centred attitude without the habit...
Hi mate. Glad you like the article. And well done for two months sober. Cocaine is life-ruining but you can only see just how bad it is when you're finally free from it's grasp. I can highly recommend CA or at least talking to a therapist or similar. Start facing up to it and admitting it and suddenly conquering the habit gets 1000% easier. Good luck mate (and I am confused by your final snide remark, look back through all of these pieces and you will see I go out of my way to reply to everyone who comments and spend a great deal of my week replying to emails from people who are struggling too).
I knew my snide remark was too much, maybe its listening to you and Dawson too much and as usual misread the tone, this is the first one ive read, anyway i was genuinely moved to write to you... trying to get the missus to read it now , doubt she will... she was totally unintersted in listening to your commentary of Blobby at a royal wedding....
TFTM is a laugh but all that telling listenrs to fuck off is tongue in cheek. This is a very different, more personal ting I've got going on. I always like a laugh but I have spent many hours (and quite a lot of money) on kicking the cocaine mindset you refer to. The whole point of this exercise is to give something back and I am glad I (might) have done that in some small way for you.
Anyway didnt mean to come across so dickish and appreciate your feedback Sam.
I only use it occasionally and some nights I can go out drinking and fight the urge. Then there are the times where nothing will stop me from getting it. When I do it is like I feel I have unleashed something that I can’t get a hold of. I hate it when it takes over. I feel so ashamed the next day or when I am laying in bed at 3am regretting my decision.
I have done A LOT of coke in my adult life. Some of them leading to 24/48 hour sessions. None of which I am proud of.
I just want to not crave it anymore or at least be stronger every time I feel the urge.
I live in Sydney, Australia and it is $300 a bag here. So doing it really hurts your bank account.
First time I have ever typed anything online or on a forum about what I am going through.
Stumbled across this while frantically googling "How to know when you have fucked your nose beyond belief with coke". You have perfectly described my every inner thought over these last 6-7 years of bring addicted to cocaine. I'm very appreciative that you gave me a chance to laugh at myself and yourself while going through a very shite time. Thank you for writing this. I don't think you realise how many people you are helping even just by being relatable and finding humour in a fucked up situation. I felt great comfort reading this knowing I wasn't alone.
Thanks Jess. Sorry to hear you've been struggling. I'm so glad this has been of some help.
Hi Sam. My girlfriend has just emerged from doing a lot of coke with her previous partner. When we first met she blames him for upping her usage - from 'a couple of times a year' to a gram most weekends. She described the fear she would feel going for a drink with him and his mates on a Friday and promising she wouldn't do it through to her :suicide Tuesday' comedown. I've never done it but have been around it all my adult life - I'm now 45. I'm very proud of her for kicking the habit - she did people places things without realising she was doing it. But occasionally she still talks about it with a sort of wistfulness. So I guess your article resonated with me. It's a fucking horrid, insidious drug. Thanks for speaking publicly about it.
What a wonderful piece of writing. I was an utter arsehole (so I'm told) on coke. A change of career, where I was now subject to random drug/alcohol testing, forced me to stop. Reading this shows me where I would have inevitably ended up, and where many of my friends, sadly have. Thanks Sam.
The best, most authentic, most accurate piece I’ve ever read about this filthy yet so, so superficially beguiling substance.
Cheers mate, wrote this a while back but felt very pertinent this morning! The whole country is addicted to gear. When I was a kid I swear it was regarded as bad as heroin. Now it's more casual than weed!
Right on the button once more, Sam. To again say you've 'nailed it" falls way short with this one- as others have stated, it could & does now exist readily as a stand-alone Coke 1.01 & Beyond article. As an aid to others wrapped within its grasp, to a trip down memory lane to mindless drug Hoover's, as I also was, thankfully a long, long time ago now.
My use of all.....nothing injectable but everything else, when Coke was beyond the means of most, and definitely myself.....where blues, dexxys, bombers...then Sulphate akimbo...was the way. Thel tale told is unchanged, of course, regardless of gear de jour......and hash, back when it could be had could also run riot if allowed to. Most all of my friends, up until I was 22, and all but stopped the whole shebang, kept going and using all or most of it in greater amounts.
I was married, and it was just not an option, and 20yrs plus would pass with whatever friends remaining still massively linvolced, now dealing heavily, busted repeatedly etc.....but for the grace of whatever, I escaped. I've had respectful dabbles over the years, but for me, I must consider myself fortunate compared to many.
Like you, Sam, re alcohol, I rid myself of binge drinking, which, as a very senior nurse, I only did on days off, strictly, but came close to it being the end of me, and it forcing my hand, mercifully, to stop. This back in 1995, and Me now a guy on the cusp of 40, along with cigarettes, both successfully cold turkeyed and gone to this present day.
It takes, as you've highlighted, huge resolve even for those of us more able, for whatever reason, to turn that particular type of page.
Brilliant, brilliant work, Sam, thank you for the self effacing way you retell your own stories for all of us to enjoy, to benefit from, sincerely thanks, mate, for your time & input....this one truly is an absolute belter!!
So much appreciated buddy.
Lindsay