Eh up mate, I fell out we me old man on fathers days 2007 he was steaming pissed at a family meal. We wa best mates and we had words, long and short he died the following Thursday without us making up, I found him dead. Will and always has haunted the non closure it’s only my good wife of 3 years (6 all in) that has helped. Love the podcast and top flight. Dan
Oh Sam!!! You've rekindled a few memories for me with this one, mate.
For myself, at age 15 or 16, and raised by my grandmother since 3 weeks of age, I launched a large handful of Vesta Chow Mein -large size (are these still around?? - I've lived in Australia since 1988??) ...lobbing it wholesale across the lounge room, at her head, one lunchtime. She had been incessantly nagging me to bits for what seemed like hours, and hadn't let-up to allow me to eat, while I'd remained silent until I lost the plot. I can still see the heavily sauced noodles & veggies hanging-off her glasses & hair, just like a cartoon, really.
It stopped the nagging but was, of course, a terrible thing for me to have done. I don't recall any other issues leading up, save the nagging, but I do know, and often reflect upon how it was far from easy her raising me, as her son, for all those years, and my often ingratitude as reward....not being a bad young guy at all, but nine of it seldom being easy for her in her 60s.
All things were resolved, but I do still carry the guilt of being an oft difficult and angsty teen, and miss her terribly since her passing in the early 90s.
Thank you, Sam, for bearing even more of your heart and soul.
I think they call it a dry drunk in AA which is what people that get sober without any support or opportunities to deal with issues tend to be. I know from experience that I was when I first quit and ended up relapsing pretty quick. Thanks Sam for highlighting the need for newly sober people to deal with the issues that made them use in the first place👍
Reaching out and gaining back that self honesty. Well done mate, that's what keeps us emotionally mentally and spiritually fit and sharing with other addicts. I admire how your courage to be honest, it's a daily challenge for me too, that honesty with self. God bless ya Sam 🙏🏻🤗
Great read Sam. I'm unfortunate enough to have a tricky relationship with both my parents and rarely speak to either. Some days I have huge regrets that I don't have a better relationship and envy anyone who does, but most of the time I bury any feelings like that, I guess that's not the best technique for coping and I do worry that come the inevitable end I'll rue those lost moments with them.
I remember listening to this on your podcast and pissing myself laughing .But then realising how awful it must of been for it to have happened.That 5 seconds of silence that would have fell over the entire restaurant and all the other families in that day thinking thank fuck it ain't us this time. My old man passed away 13 years ago yesterday (21st) what I'd give to be able to throw some liver and bacon over him .Keep up the excellent work after all your Britains top and may I say most entertaining journalist
Thanks, Sam! Enlightening and entertaining as always. I’m still trying to get my head around the likelihood that the root cause of my problems was only being masked by my more visible (mis)behaviour. Good luck to anyone reading this who is on the journey. It really isn’t easy to accept that the effort you’ve gone through to shake a bad habit is only the start of the process. Especially when you up to your neck in life at the same time. One day at a time and don’t forget to just rest :)
The way you deal with complex feelings with humour is fantastic. We all have stuff from ‘before’ which defines some of our actions; the thing is is that they are not from before at all, they are still here and learning to manage them is bloody difficult. I am writing this in a period of high stress myself (moved to a new country in the middle of a global pandemic into a ridiculously stressful job) and reading stuff like this is a big help. You’ve got to love yourself: 99% of what defines us is not our doing, the other 1% is us being humans. Keep it up Sam. Oh, and ‘just rest’ x
Ahh Sam. So much I want to say, but for now I’ll say this. Your dad avoids celebrations and gifts from you all because he doesn’t feel worthy. He wasn’t there for you all so anything you give to him makes him feel guilty. He sabotaged it. No doubt in my mind. Unconsciously, but sabotage none the less. Dig deep and you'll understand from your own experience. How often have you wished people wouldn’t be understanding, forgiving and 'nice' to you, when you’ve been a cunt? It’s almost a punishment. And so it is with your dad.
And using your show to out your demons is worth more than a contract in the long run. You got through it and you didn’t turn to your reliables.
Thanks for opening your heart again. It helps others find courage.
Cheers for sharing Sam, the honesty as always is brutally brilliant. Had similar sort of explosions of emotions, with friends when it’s all got too much
Personally wished it had been different at times, but it’s strange how these things can come out. Top man and appreciate what you do pal
I’m fortunate to have a really good relationship with my parents and in-laws, but many moons ago I did have a fractious relationship with my boss- we came to loggerheads on many occasions and on one drunken night, on my way home, I passed his house, stopped and yelled at the top of my voice that he was a wanker, not taking into consideration he had a wife and kids. He died a few years back and my biggest regret is that I never cleared the air with him.
I am older and wiser and sober now (still as daft though) and I try to avoid conflict as much as possible by realising that everyone sees the world in their own way and as long as I make my corner the best I can and do my bit for my future generations , then that’s all I can do.
My father-in-law is has always been an insufferable self styled 'devils advocate' which recently has morphed into 'massive racist and conspiracy theorist'.
If I'm being totally honest even the mention of his name gets me on edge and I dread every time I cross paths with him.
Unless I find a way to understand my emotions towards him I can easily see something similar to your liver and mash moment happening
Keep up the good work.
Your honest words are helping so many people towards the contentment that we all deserve
Really good read, as usual. I consider myself lucky that I went sober a couple of months in to the lockdown last year and was able to re-evaluate EVERYTHING when I did with the help of a therapist. I am, however, getting frequent flashbacks to being a cunt in various ways in various pubs over the years. Do these cripplingly embarrassing flashbacks ever stop? I'm hoping they do!
P.S Loving the pod with your boy, he has a great mind and it is so fucking wonderful to hear him being genuinely engaged with by a proper Dad.
Eh up mate, I fell out we me old man on fathers days 2007 he was steaming pissed at a family meal. We wa best mates and we had words, long and short he died the following Thursday without us making up, I found him dead. Will and always has haunted the non closure it’s only my good wife of 3 years (6 all in) that has helped. Love the podcast and top flight. Dan
Oh Sam!!! You've rekindled a few memories for me with this one, mate.
For myself, at age 15 or 16, and raised by my grandmother since 3 weeks of age, I launched a large handful of Vesta Chow Mein -large size (are these still around?? - I've lived in Australia since 1988??) ...lobbing it wholesale across the lounge room, at her head, one lunchtime. She had been incessantly nagging me to bits for what seemed like hours, and hadn't let-up to allow me to eat, while I'd remained silent until I lost the plot. I can still see the heavily sauced noodles & veggies hanging-off her glasses & hair, just like a cartoon, really.
It stopped the nagging but was, of course, a terrible thing for me to have done. I don't recall any other issues leading up, save the nagging, but I do know, and often reflect upon how it was far from easy her raising me, as her son, for all those years, and my often ingratitude as reward....not being a bad young guy at all, but nine of it seldom being easy for her in her 60s.
All things were resolved, but I do still carry the guilt of being an oft difficult and angsty teen, and miss her terribly since her passing in the early 90s.
Thank you, Sam, for bearing even more of your heart and soul.
Lindsay
I think they call it a dry drunk in AA which is what people that get sober without any support or opportunities to deal with issues tend to be. I know from experience that I was when I first quit and ended up relapsing pretty quick. Thanks Sam for highlighting the need for newly sober people to deal with the issues that made them use in the first place👍
Reaching out and gaining back that self honesty. Well done mate, that's what keeps us emotionally mentally and spiritually fit and sharing with other addicts. I admire how your courage to be honest, it's a daily challenge for me too, that honesty with self. God bless ya Sam 🙏🏻🤗
Great read Sam. I'm unfortunate enough to have a tricky relationship with both my parents and rarely speak to either. Some days I have huge regrets that I don't have a better relationship and envy anyone who does, but most of the time I bury any feelings like that, I guess that's not the best technique for coping and I do worry that come the inevitable end I'll rue those lost moments with them.
I remember listening to this on your podcast and pissing myself laughing .But then realising how awful it must of been for it to have happened.That 5 seconds of silence that would have fell over the entire restaurant and all the other families in that day thinking thank fuck it ain't us this time. My old man passed away 13 years ago yesterday (21st) what I'd give to be able to throw some liver and bacon over him .Keep up the excellent work after all your Britains top and may I say most entertaining journalist
Thanks, Sam! Enlightening and entertaining as always. I’m still trying to get my head around the likelihood that the root cause of my problems was only being masked by my more visible (mis)behaviour. Good luck to anyone reading this who is on the journey. It really isn’t easy to accept that the effort you’ve gone through to shake a bad habit is only the start of the process. Especially when you up to your neck in life at the same time. One day at a time and don’t forget to just rest :)
The way you deal with complex feelings with humour is fantastic. We all have stuff from ‘before’ which defines some of our actions; the thing is is that they are not from before at all, they are still here and learning to manage them is bloody difficult. I am writing this in a period of high stress myself (moved to a new country in the middle of a global pandemic into a ridiculously stressful job) and reading stuff like this is a big help. You’ve got to love yourself: 99% of what defines us is not our doing, the other 1% is us being humans. Keep it up Sam. Oh, and ‘just rest’ x
May your Reset continue to produce such stellar scribblings, Sam.
Ahh Sam. So much I want to say, but for now I’ll say this. Your dad avoids celebrations and gifts from you all because he doesn’t feel worthy. He wasn’t there for you all so anything you give to him makes him feel guilty. He sabotaged it. No doubt in my mind. Unconsciously, but sabotage none the less. Dig deep and you'll understand from your own experience. How often have you wished people wouldn’t be understanding, forgiving and 'nice' to you, when you’ve been a cunt? It’s almost a punishment. And so it is with your dad.
And using your show to out your demons is worth more than a contract in the long run. You got through it and you didn’t turn to your reliables.
Thanks for opening your heart again. It helps others find courage.
Take care and keep going x
Cheers for sharing Sam, the honesty as always is brutally brilliant. Had similar sort of explosions of emotions, with friends when it’s all got too much
Personally wished it had been different at times, but it’s strange how these things can come out. Top man and appreciate what you do pal
We love you Sam and you’re helping me to love myself more too, thank you x
I’m fortunate to have a really good relationship with my parents and in-laws, but many moons ago I did have a fractious relationship with my boss- we came to loggerheads on many occasions and on one drunken night, on my way home, I passed his house, stopped and yelled at the top of my voice that he was a wanker, not taking into consideration he had a wife and kids. He died a few years back and my biggest regret is that I never cleared the air with him.
I am older and wiser and sober now (still as daft though) and I try to avoid conflict as much as possible by realising that everyone sees the world in their own way and as long as I make my corner the best I can and do my bit for my future generations , then that’s all I can do.
Lovely stuff Sam - keep em’ coming!
This article has moved me to tears
My father-in-law is has always been an insufferable self styled 'devils advocate' which recently has morphed into 'massive racist and conspiracy theorist'.
If I'm being totally honest even the mention of his name gets me on edge and I dread every time I cross paths with him.
Unless I find a way to understand my emotions towards him I can easily see something similar to your liver and mash moment happening
Keep up the good work.
Your honest words are helping so many people towards the contentment that we all deserve
Really good read, as usual. I consider myself lucky that I went sober a couple of months in to the lockdown last year and was able to re-evaluate EVERYTHING when I did with the help of a therapist. I am, however, getting frequent flashbacks to being a cunt in various ways in various pubs over the years. Do these cripplingly embarrassing flashbacks ever stop? I'm hoping they do!
P.S Loving the pod with your boy, he has a great mind and it is so fucking wonderful to hear him being genuinely engaged with by a proper Dad.
Great read Sam-brought it all back! Still trying to process it myself! xxxx