I love hearing from your experiences, especially from your expensive psychologist experiences! You’re helping so many people going through it or even coming to terms with their lifestyles! Nuff respect fella!
I don't have any problem with alcohol or the nose beers, but I really like the premise of this. I think for me, what would be good to hear about is about the mental side of things, and how you can help yourself to be happy mentally. I think that is something that everyone can get on board with after spending half the year in lockdown.
Good luck with this, great idea. Nice to hear it unfiltered and not sugar coated with some hippy dippy new age cuntspeak.
Yeah, I think the booze and gak is relevant to me largely because it led me to look more deeply into mental health. I would have never seen a therapist or contemplated the source of my demons had it not been for getting in too deep with the gear. That's why Bryony Gordon called her book 'Glorious Rock Bottom.' In recovery they say rock bottom is a gift because it gives you the opportunity to confront the shit that you have been trying to numb out for years. All of us have shit causing pain and anxiety inside. Not all of us use drugs or alcohol to deal with it but most people have a coping mechanism that helps them pretend to be okay. Realising you're not okay is what is important.
My Dad dying probably saved me. When he died my mate took me to Amsterdam for a massive blowout and I came back and never touched it again. I knew I was on the edge and if I didn't stop completely, I wasn't going to be able to control it. Many years later also gave up alcohol. Just about every one of my mates from those days are a mess. mental health issues, can't hold down jobs or relationships. I've got a good life and a good family and I don't miss it for a second.
Very inspiring mate. So true - give it up completely or not at all. Not true for everyone - some people can do moderation - but for me and you it's the only way.
Have welcomed hearing some of your stories on the pod having had a, well "interesting" year or so with some of these topics myself, so interested to read more.
Top idea Nifty and great of you to put yourself forward like this
I’m a year and 3 days sober from booze and a bit of the other.
This is a great idea.
I’ve had a charmed life in some ways. A scouser at Oxford, a good legal career, but tonnes of fear and anxiety and never feeling like I fit in anywhere so used booze to calm me down and fit me in.
The hardest thing about all of this was admitting I had a problem. I pushed people away and those closest to me got to see all the bad shit. 99% of the time I was fine at work, although I didn’t really know what I was doing there half the time. There was just a major fear all the time. Fear of failing, being found out, being embarrassed whatever. I just kept drowning it out.
I fucked up one time too many and screwed up my second serious relationship but my ex got me into rehab as she was leaving me and a year on I’m doing ok.
AA helps, although I’m not bang into all the steps, maybe I should be more. Like other people on here, lockdown has helped (especially avoiding the commute and all the shit that goes with it), but it’s stopped me pursuing other interests as well.
If anyone is into non-religious spirituality, I can recommend Alan Watts. A fucking nutter from the 60’s who had a bit of wisdom about him. The main thing I’ve learned is not to spend ages thinking about the past or what might happen next week.
Anyway, I could go in for ages.
The hardest thing is asking for help, but it’s the most rewarding too.
I hear all of that mate. I think we don't admit partly because so many people around us are doing the same thing so it just seems normal. You think 'I'm not even one of the worst in my friendship group, I must be fine.' Truth is we've all been caning it for so long we've lost sight of ourselves. Glad recovery is working out for you. I haven't done the 12 steps properly either but there are always bits of wisdom we can pick up from them. I will definitely check out Alan Watts.
Nice one, Sam. I personally find it helpful just hearing you talk about your experiences. It normalises the process and that makes it easier to get your head around it being possible to carry on. I also take inspiration from how you are able to talk about your addictions with humour. Being an addict is the most trouble I have gotten myself into but it helps me feel good about myself to hear you joke about it all. I say this as someone who is celebrating 15 months since knocking the gear on the head after pretty much being high or coming down for the previous 2 years. I am happy to say it’s way easier now that it was 15 days into sobriety but I still think about it regularly and if it wasn’t for getting rid of all the numbers I had I might have relapsed before now. It would be great to hear your thoughts and experiences on dealing with that period of your recovery. Very much being off the gear but going about your social life in a normal way. Covid and everything that it has brought has kinda saved me from testing my resolve properly as I’ve only been out with my mates once this year. It bothers me about being “that guy” who people are conscious of being there as they are in recovery. Do I have the will power to be the only one not getting involved. Am I better off avoiding those situations and arranging different, non gakked up activities with my mates because I know how dull and boring it will be to be the only one not off their tits. We are a similar age and it’s the case that despite my mates all being 40+ the gear is still prevalent when it comes to social gatherings.
That's a tough one but personally I think it best to avoid those situations. You can still maintain friendships in other ways. And if there are people who aren't interested in hanging out because you're not on it anymore, then fuck them, they're not proper mates. A lot of coke mates drifted out of my life and I don't miss them. In recovery they say 'if you keep going to the barbers, eventually you're gonna get a haircut.' true about going to the pub. I can go now but I don;t really enjoy it. One of the best things about sobriety is that you start discovering new ways to socialise and have fun. Booze and gear blind you to 90% of what's going on all around you. You can discover it all now. But in the meantime, go for a nice lunch with your mates rather than an evening thing or go for a run or something.
What you say all makes loads of sense. As I mention, the fact Covid came when it did has protected me slightly but it’s also stopped me in my tracks as far as building new and better routines and habits. I’d be bang up for getting into other social stuff and many of my mates would appreciate that too. Despite being at “that” London TFTM show (yup, the late Sunday one 😂) I am actually a big convert on going to live comedy and a good lunch or exercise is always a good thing but there are certain things like going to football or sitting up all night to watch the boxing that we all still enjoy but that have always involved plenty of booze and gear. I think you are right though. Swerving those occasions is the way to go. I think 43 is a decent enough age to final grow up. Ha!
I am also going to look up the Andy’s Man Club people you mention. That sounds like a really valuable resource to be a part of. Fair play to you and everyone who is doing something positive about the issues we all share
Thanks Sam - I’ve had tragedy in my life which hangs over me every day - some days heavy, other days manageable - talking and listening to others always helps. I don’t drink anymore because I know it would become a coping mechanism and that it would lead to darkness and desperation. Instead I use music and comedy as my coping mechanisms- I like to write songs and I live good comedy. I have to say Top Flight Time Machine has been a godsend as it is brilliantly executed to bring gags, stories, characterisation and appropriate poignancy together in one neat package. As I work alone, it’s often the highlight of my day (bar trampoline football with my boys).
I'm glad it helps in some way mate. Well done for staying off the booze, you're totally right, it just provides a synthetic way of distracting from what you're going through. Music, comedy, books, films....all that stuff is so important. Some people might think it's trivial but without the little doses of joy they bring to everyday life then what have we got? Trampoline football sounds awesome mate.
Thanks Sam - what a wonderful idea this forum is - and it means a lot that you’ve taken the time to read so many comments from so many people in need of a bit of positivity and reply to each one - trampoline footy right- you kick/throw the ball over the trampoline net & your son has to get a hand to it before it hits the bouncy bit or it’s a point- he gets a point by launching it out of the trampoline and into one of those whirly-gigs. It’s addictive mate!
This a great idea: too much of the usual coverage of this sort of shite is in terms that i just can't relate to, but your chat about it on tftm is different. We've all got our demons. I'm 3 months off the drink and class As and while I still miss them, I wish I'd done it sooner tbh. Would love to hear more about what addiction is, perspectives on why you dont need it, and what life beyond it can hold. That Glorious Rock Bottom book, for example, sounds great. Thanks and all the best, Des
Listen, I hope you can keep going and well done on the 3 months. I found it all pretty thrilling for the first 6 months to be honest. All the energy and clear headed mornings blew my mind. But i made the mistake of thinking i was suddenly capable of filling my life with even more distraction. I think the real end game, the point at which you are really zen, is when you can enjoy just sitting in a room on your own doing nothing. I'm nowhere near that yet but it is my long term goal.
Thanks mate, I appreciate you taking time to reply. Blaise Pascal said "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone". Get that on a t-shirt! 🙂
Due to childhood abuse, I was pissed from the ages of 13-31. I left behind a string of mad shit through my twenties because of my reliance on booze, iron filings and opiates to deal with crippling anxiety. As a stage performer I was able to get a lot of it out there but without any of that, I have had to learn in the last 6 months how to be clean and not escape behind my music. I've been sober for 169 days now and things are getting better. I'm still getting big surges of anxiety and waves of 'oh god!!!!' when I get a flashback from being pissed and being a dickhead in a pub.
Thanks to Sam and TFTM in general (among other people in my life), I've had the strength to stay with it.
Mate, sorry to hear about your struggle but happy you're sober, 169 days is amazing. Of course, stopping drinking is just the start -- gotta get your head straight which is an ongoing process but if we're all talking about it, gets easier.
This is a great idea Sam. I've had a horrible few years mental health wise and unfortunately had to deal with an apathetic/ignorant family when it comes to mental health on top of that. The kind of "Just go for a walk you'll be fine! what the hell is anxiety?" parents!
I've found your pods especially helpful over lockdown as i've tried my best to get back into a routine after recovering from an addiction I didnt even realise I had until it was way too late.
You talking about your addictive personality made me realise its quite common and having you be so open about your struggles really helped. Having finally been diagnosed after many years of "no don't be silly, you're just a ditzy young lady!" with adhd and mild autism fairly late on for that kind of diagnosis, has really helped me though. Thanks for all you do! <3
I'm really glad you say that. Normalising this sort of chat is what I'm trying to do. My opinion is that everyone is struggling inside with something most of the time and we should be able to mention it as easily as saying you've got a cold. It's almost hilarious that there are still people who get awkward or dismissive about this sort of thing. I do think it's very generational. My dad, for instance, says anything to do with your mood is 'hormonal.' LOL.
Diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 2013 after my wife had brain tumour surgery and my dad passed away. I realised alcohol was bad for me as hangovers pretty much killed me.
Before being diagnosed, I had numerous doctors tell me I was fine but I knew I wasn’t. It was the physical symptoms of shaking and being cold, combined with dizziness and jelly legs that scared the shit out of me. When told it was anxiety caused by over stress I was relieved but yet weakened by the thought of being a lesser bloke.
I got better slowly and was able to go back to work and have fun with my wife, but sadly her tumour regrew more aggressively and in the summer of 2017 was given three months to live.
Having been through support before, I firmly believe it helped for this grief.
Then, serendipity... thanks to one of my best mates, I found TFTM. The banter and the anecdotes and the honesty all felt like a tonic. Still brightens my day each time I listen. Gawd bless ya, Sam
Russ, you've had a mare by the sounds of things. I can't imagine how tough all of that was. Amazing that you thought your diagnosis made you weak. I felt the same when I first saw a doctor about my mental health in 2011. Things have changed in society so much since then. I would never have started something like this back then, I would have been ashamed. now we know that we're the strong ones! best of luck mate and thanks for all the support of the pods.
Cheers dude. Love ya work and you’re heart is bigger than that bowl you use for family chips. The love of a great woman and understanding mates is key to good long term mental health.
Perfect - always interested in hearing how you manage your demons in order to inform how I deal with my own too - cheers cunt.
Pleasure dickhead. Thanks for signing up.
Yes please. great idea Sam.
Yep. Subscribed. Belting idea
Read Bryony’s book!! My brother is a year and a half clean and reading that book made me realise what he went through to get to where he is now!
Such a good book
This is such a great idea mate! As you can see from everyone jumping on board!
It was the best book I’ve read and it got better after the cunnilingus!
cheers man, i'm glad i've done it - so pleased people have responded like this
I love hearing from your experiences, especially from your expensive psychologist experiences! You’re helping so many people going through it or even coming to terms with their lifestyles! Nuff respect fella!
I don't have any problem with alcohol or the nose beers, but I really like the premise of this. I think for me, what would be good to hear about is about the mental side of things, and how you can help yourself to be happy mentally. I think that is something that everyone can get on board with after spending half the year in lockdown.
Good luck with this, great idea. Nice to hear it unfiltered and not sugar coated with some hippy dippy new age cuntspeak.
Yeah, I think the booze and gak is relevant to me largely because it led me to look more deeply into mental health. I would have never seen a therapist or contemplated the source of my demons had it not been for getting in too deep with the gear. That's why Bryony Gordon called her book 'Glorious Rock Bottom.' In recovery they say rock bottom is a gift because it gives you the opportunity to confront the shit that you have been trying to numb out for years. All of us have shit causing pain and anxiety inside. Not all of us use drugs or alcohol to deal with it but most people have a coping mechanism that helps them pretend to be okay. Realising you're not okay is what is important.
My Dad dying probably saved me. When he died my mate took me to Amsterdam for a massive blowout and I came back and never touched it again. I knew I was on the edge and if I didn't stop completely, I wasn't going to be able to control it. Many years later also gave up alcohol. Just about every one of my mates from those days are a mess. mental health issues, can't hold down jobs or relationships. I've got a good life and a good family and I don't miss it for a second.
Very inspiring mate. So true - give it up completely or not at all. Not true for everyone - some people can do moderation - but for me and you it's the only way.
Have welcomed hearing some of your stories on the pod having had a, well "interesting" year or so with some of these topics myself, so interested to read more.
Top idea Nifty and great of you to put yourself forward like this
It's a pleasure, I am really chuffed about the responses so far. Hope I can help your tricky year a bit.
Well done Sam, absolute stroke of genius. C(o)unt me in!!
Lol, cheers for subscribing
I’m on it
Good man Nick. Knew I could rely on you.
Almost 11 months without alcohol. I was never in your league Sam but feel better so this has come at a good time
Delighted for you mate. keep going. being sober is a right laugh.
Alright cunts.
I’m a year and 3 days sober from booze and a bit of the other.
This is a great idea.
I’ve had a charmed life in some ways. A scouser at Oxford, a good legal career, but tonnes of fear and anxiety and never feeling like I fit in anywhere so used booze to calm me down and fit me in.
The hardest thing about all of this was admitting I had a problem. I pushed people away and those closest to me got to see all the bad shit. 99% of the time I was fine at work, although I didn’t really know what I was doing there half the time. There was just a major fear all the time. Fear of failing, being found out, being embarrassed whatever. I just kept drowning it out.
I fucked up one time too many and screwed up my second serious relationship but my ex got me into rehab as she was leaving me and a year on I’m doing ok.
AA helps, although I’m not bang into all the steps, maybe I should be more. Like other people on here, lockdown has helped (especially avoiding the commute and all the shit that goes with it), but it’s stopped me pursuing other interests as well.
If anyone is into non-religious spirituality, I can recommend Alan Watts. A fucking nutter from the 60’s who had a bit of wisdom about him. The main thing I’ve learned is not to spend ages thinking about the past or what might happen next week.
Anyway, I could go in for ages.
The hardest thing is asking for help, but it’s the most rewarding too.
Steve C
IFS Platinum, BA Oxon.
I hear all of that mate. I think we don't admit partly because so many people around us are doing the same thing so it just seems normal. You think 'I'm not even one of the worst in my friendship group, I must be fine.' Truth is we've all been caning it for so long we've lost sight of ourselves. Glad recovery is working out for you. I haven't done the 12 steps properly either but there are always bits of wisdom we can pick up from them. I will definitely check out Alan Watts.
Nice one, Sam. I personally find it helpful just hearing you talk about your experiences. It normalises the process and that makes it easier to get your head around it being possible to carry on. I also take inspiration from how you are able to talk about your addictions with humour. Being an addict is the most trouble I have gotten myself into but it helps me feel good about myself to hear you joke about it all. I say this as someone who is celebrating 15 months since knocking the gear on the head after pretty much being high or coming down for the previous 2 years. I am happy to say it’s way easier now that it was 15 days into sobriety but I still think about it regularly and if it wasn’t for getting rid of all the numbers I had I might have relapsed before now. It would be great to hear your thoughts and experiences on dealing with that period of your recovery. Very much being off the gear but going about your social life in a normal way. Covid and everything that it has brought has kinda saved me from testing my resolve properly as I’ve only been out with my mates once this year. It bothers me about being “that guy” who people are conscious of being there as they are in recovery. Do I have the will power to be the only one not getting involved. Am I better off avoiding those situations and arranging different, non gakked up activities with my mates because I know how dull and boring it will be to be the only one not off their tits. We are a similar age and it’s the case that despite my mates all being 40+ the gear is still prevalent when it comes to social gatherings.
That's a tough one but personally I think it best to avoid those situations. You can still maintain friendships in other ways. And if there are people who aren't interested in hanging out because you're not on it anymore, then fuck them, they're not proper mates. A lot of coke mates drifted out of my life and I don't miss them. In recovery they say 'if you keep going to the barbers, eventually you're gonna get a haircut.' true about going to the pub. I can go now but I don;t really enjoy it. One of the best things about sobriety is that you start discovering new ways to socialise and have fun. Booze and gear blind you to 90% of what's going on all around you. You can discover it all now. But in the meantime, go for a nice lunch with your mates rather than an evening thing or go for a run or something.
Thanks for the reply, Sam.
What you say all makes loads of sense. As I mention, the fact Covid came when it did has protected me slightly but it’s also stopped me in my tracks as far as building new and better routines and habits. I’d be bang up for getting into other social stuff and many of my mates would appreciate that too. Despite being at “that” London TFTM show (yup, the late Sunday one 😂) I am actually a big convert on going to live comedy and a good lunch or exercise is always a good thing but there are certain things like going to football or sitting up all night to watch the boxing that we all still enjoy but that have always involved plenty of booze and gear. I think you are right though. Swerving those occasions is the way to go. I think 43 is a decent enough age to final grow up. Ha!
I am also going to look up the Andy’s Man Club people you mention. That sounds like a really valuable resource to be a part of. Fair play to you and everyone who is doing something positive about the issues we all share
Get involved mate. Watch the re-runs of the fight the next morning.
Thanks Sam - I’ve had tragedy in my life which hangs over me every day - some days heavy, other days manageable - talking and listening to others always helps. I don’t drink anymore because I know it would become a coping mechanism and that it would lead to darkness and desperation. Instead I use music and comedy as my coping mechanisms- I like to write songs and I live good comedy. I have to say Top Flight Time Machine has been a godsend as it is brilliantly executed to bring gags, stories, characterisation and appropriate poignancy together in one neat package. As I work alone, it’s often the highlight of my day (bar trampoline football with my boys).
I'm glad it helps in some way mate. Well done for staying off the booze, you're totally right, it just provides a synthetic way of distracting from what you're going through. Music, comedy, books, films....all that stuff is so important. Some people might think it's trivial but without the little doses of joy they bring to everyday life then what have we got? Trampoline football sounds awesome mate.
Thanks Sam - what a wonderful idea this forum is - and it means a lot that you’ve taken the time to read so many comments from so many people in need of a bit of positivity and reply to each one - trampoline footy right- you kick/throw the ball over the trampoline net & your son has to get a hand to it before it hits the bouncy bit or it’s a point- he gets a point by launching it out of the trampoline and into one of those whirly-gigs. It’s addictive mate!
This a great idea: too much of the usual coverage of this sort of shite is in terms that i just can't relate to, but your chat about it on tftm is different. We've all got our demons. I'm 3 months off the drink and class As and while I still miss them, I wish I'd done it sooner tbh. Would love to hear more about what addiction is, perspectives on why you dont need it, and what life beyond it can hold. That Glorious Rock Bottom book, for example, sounds great. Thanks and all the best, Des
Listen, I hope you can keep going and well done on the 3 months. I found it all pretty thrilling for the first 6 months to be honest. All the energy and clear headed mornings blew my mind. But i made the mistake of thinking i was suddenly capable of filling my life with even more distraction. I think the real end game, the point at which you are really zen, is when you can enjoy just sitting in a room on your own doing nothing. I'm nowhere near that yet but it is my long term goal.
Thanks mate, I appreciate you taking time to reply. Blaise Pascal said "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone". Get that on a t-shirt! 🙂
Due to childhood abuse, I was pissed from the ages of 13-31. I left behind a string of mad shit through my twenties because of my reliance on booze, iron filings and opiates to deal with crippling anxiety. As a stage performer I was able to get a lot of it out there but without any of that, I have had to learn in the last 6 months how to be clean and not escape behind my music. I've been sober for 169 days now and things are getting better. I'm still getting big surges of anxiety and waves of 'oh god!!!!' when I get a flashback from being pissed and being a dickhead in a pub.
Thanks to Sam and TFTM in general (among other people in my life), I've had the strength to stay with it.
This looks like a great resource for the future.
Cheers Sam,
Sam
Mate, sorry to hear about your struggle but happy you're sober, 169 days is amazing. Of course, stopping drinking is just the start -- gotta get your head straight which is an ongoing process but if we're all talking about it, gets easier.
This is a great idea Sam. I've had a horrible few years mental health wise and unfortunately had to deal with an apathetic/ignorant family when it comes to mental health on top of that. The kind of "Just go for a walk you'll be fine! what the hell is anxiety?" parents!
I've found your pods especially helpful over lockdown as i've tried my best to get back into a routine after recovering from an addiction I didnt even realise I had until it was way too late.
You talking about your addictive personality made me realise its quite common and having you be so open about your struggles really helped. Having finally been diagnosed after many years of "no don't be silly, you're just a ditzy young lady!" with adhd and mild autism fairly late on for that kind of diagnosis, has really helped me though. Thanks for all you do! <3
I'm really glad you say that. Normalising this sort of chat is what I'm trying to do. My opinion is that everyone is struggling inside with something most of the time and we should be able to mention it as easily as saying you've got a cold. It's almost hilarious that there are still people who get awkward or dismissive about this sort of thing. I do think it's very generational. My dad, for instance, says anything to do with your mood is 'hormonal.' LOL.
Diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 2013 after my wife had brain tumour surgery and my dad passed away. I realised alcohol was bad for me as hangovers pretty much killed me.
Before being diagnosed, I had numerous doctors tell me I was fine but I knew I wasn’t. It was the physical symptoms of shaking and being cold, combined with dizziness and jelly legs that scared the shit out of me. When told it was anxiety caused by over stress I was relieved but yet weakened by the thought of being a lesser bloke.
I got better slowly and was able to go back to work and have fun with my wife, but sadly her tumour regrew more aggressively and in the summer of 2017 was given three months to live.
Having been through support before, I firmly believe it helped for this grief.
Then, serendipity... thanks to one of my best mates, I found TFTM. The banter and the anecdotes and the honesty all felt like a tonic. Still brightens my day each time I listen. Gawd bless ya, Sam
Russ, you've had a mare by the sounds of things. I can't imagine how tough all of that was. Amazing that you thought your diagnosis made you weak. I felt the same when I first saw a doctor about my mental health in 2011. Things have changed in society so much since then. I would never have started something like this back then, I would have been ashamed. now we know that we're the strong ones! best of luck mate and thanks for all the support of the pods.
Cheers dude. Love ya work and you’re heart is bigger than that bowl you use for family chips. The love of a great woman and understanding mates is key to good long term mental health.