This is outstanding, Sam. This resonates with me stronger than anything else I’ve ever read. After speaking with a therapist I learned I am constantly catastrophizing. Basically constantly convinced any small pain means I’ve got a terminal illness, worried when I do a tiny thing wrong at work I’m going to be sacked. It’s led to me not enjoying certain times/moments and I look back and think why the fuck didn’t I enjoy that night out/holiday/football match more? It’s because I’ve spent so much time doing what you say, in bracing myself for the worst, so that if it comes, I don’t know, I’ll be more prepared? Finally speaking about this stuff out loud to my girlfriend in the last year helped me realised how fucking barmy it all is, and noticing that I’ve been doing this through my adolescence into my 20s. It’s still a struggle but you’re helping massively in acknowledging that others, like yourself, do and have done the same, and that talking to my girlfriend/mates about how daft it all sounds out loud makes me able to re-train my thoughts a bit. Thanks for this, and keep it up.
yeah it's a mad delusion that is we worry more we will be safer. We won't, we will just be sadder and more stressed. Once you admit this stuff it seems to float away more easily.
Take one day at a time! You can only influence what you can control! Everything else is beyond your control you can’t do anything about so it’s not worth your energy on worrying about it as there’s nothing you can do to change it! It’s hard but you’ll get there mate! Stay strong!
Brilliant again! As you say you can only look out for “ your side of the street and make sure that’s clean". Everything else is beyond your control and you can’t do anything about it! Doesn’t stop people worrying initially about it but we all just need to take a step back and saying “what can I control?” and deal with that and let everything outside of our powers to look after themselves and then deal with the next issue that you can control on a day to day basis!
Great again Sam. Stopping worrying about the things you can’t control is not easy but well worth the effort. Someone close to me (my lovely wife actually) is a world class catastrophizer and I’m working hard to help her see the ‘sunlit uplands’ of keeping things in perspective. She is a diamond and knows its debilitating but like all these things it’s easy to be wise about the things that bother others. Please keep these coming; they are thought provoking and entertaining as well as super honest
I put a clip of Anthony Hopkins in one of the previous letters where he says 'Today is the tomorrow you were worrying about yesterday.' brilliant. Mark Twain had a good one too: "I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." In other words, shit rarely goes down the way you think it will. Worrying won;t make a difference either way. And when problems really do arise, have faith that you will find a way of coping. We always do. All the best to you and the missus.
I’m so sorry you had that experience which led to huge worry at the time and probably some lasting guilt as well if you believe you could/should have behaved differently.
Thanks for sharing in such a candid and eloquent manner.
Really enjoy reading these and the support it brings knowing my own struggles and frailties are far from unique
I can’t tell you the number of times my wife has had to tap me on the nut to stop me catastrophizing! I’m a natural born worrier and can still make a mountain out of a molehill even when worries are non existent worries such as “on his way to school my son has to cross 2 busy roads and go past the park where that kid got stabbed a while back, therefore, something bad is bound to happen” - I can acknowledge that these are irrational fears but stopping them is another ball game altogether- I’m grateful for the friends/ family I have and for open honest support forums like this - it helps me to adopt a just rest part to my lifestyle which is so important to release the worries- a great book I used with Children in mental health services with anxiety was called the Huge Bag of Worries which is brilliant for helping kids particularly in these times -link below- cheers Sam- keep em coming
I will check this book out, thanks for the recommend. Get some rest mate. One of the reasons that I've been less stressed than usual during lockdown is because I have slowed down. Might not be possible for everyone but wherever you can take it easy, try to.
This is outstanding, Sam. This resonates with me stronger than anything else I’ve ever read. After speaking with a therapist I learned I am constantly catastrophizing. Basically constantly convinced any small pain means I’ve got a terminal illness, worried when I do a tiny thing wrong at work I’m going to be sacked. It’s led to me not enjoying certain times/moments and I look back and think why the fuck didn’t I enjoy that night out/holiday/football match more? It’s because I’ve spent so much time doing what you say, in bracing myself for the worst, so that if it comes, I don’t know, I’ll be more prepared? Finally speaking about this stuff out loud to my girlfriend in the last year helped me realised how fucking barmy it all is, and noticing that I’ve been doing this through my adolescence into my 20s. It’s still a struggle but you’re helping massively in acknowledging that others, like yourself, do and have done the same, and that talking to my girlfriend/mates about how daft it all sounds out loud makes me able to re-train my thoughts a bit. Thanks for this, and keep it up.
yeah it's a mad delusion that is we worry more we will be safer. We won't, we will just be sadder and more stressed. Once you admit this stuff it seems to float away more easily.
Often wish I could tell my own nut this, to make me never irrationally worry again
Take one day at a time! You can only influence what you can control! Everything else is beyond your control you can’t do anything about so it’s not worth your energy on worrying about it as there’s nothing you can do to change it! It’s hard but you’ll get there mate! Stay strong!
Wise words mate, cheers!
Brilliant again! As you say you can only look out for “ your side of the street and make sure that’s clean". Everything else is beyond your control and you can’t do anything about it! Doesn’t stop people worrying initially about it but we all just need to take a step back and saying “what can I control?” and deal with that and let everything outside of our powers to look after themselves and then deal with the next issue that you can control on a day to day basis!
Exactly right mate. Wake up to that and life gets simpler. Simpler life = happier life.
Great again Sam. Stopping worrying about the things you can’t control is not easy but well worth the effort. Someone close to me (my lovely wife actually) is a world class catastrophizer and I’m working hard to help her see the ‘sunlit uplands’ of keeping things in perspective. She is a diamond and knows its debilitating but like all these things it’s easy to be wise about the things that bother others. Please keep these coming; they are thought provoking and entertaining as well as super honest
I put a clip of Anthony Hopkins in one of the previous letters where he says 'Today is the tomorrow you were worrying about yesterday.' brilliant. Mark Twain had a good one too: "I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." In other words, shit rarely goes down the way you think it will. Worrying won;t make a difference either way. And when problems really do arise, have faith that you will find a way of coping. We always do. All the best to you and the missus.
Really look forward these brutally honest posts. Can see so much of my past and present behaviour in them also. Keep up the the good work.
Glad they are of use. There is nothing brutal about the truth mind you - just normal!
Amazing and honest insights as ever , thanks Sam
My pleasure to write these Joe, thanks for reading
Another great read. Another positive influence/message, first How to be Idle 👏🏾, through to Shanklin.
The more I read these articles the less I feel the need to wait for things to become too much before speaking to someone again.
Keep it futile guys and don’t ever be too proud to talk, it’ll only enrich your relationships.
J
Well said James, cheers
I’m so sorry you had that experience which led to huge worry at the time and probably some lasting guilt as well if you believe you could/should have behaved differently.
Thanks for sharing in such a candid and eloquent manner.
Really enjoy reading these and the support it brings knowing my own struggles and frailties are far from unique
Thank you Sam, I really needed this one this week.
I can’t tell you the number of times my wife has had to tap me on the nut to stop me catastrophizing! I’m a natural born worrier and can still make a mountain out of a molehill even when worries are non existent worries such as “on his way to school my son has to cross 2 busy roads and go past the park where that kid got stabbed a while back, therefore, something bad is bound to happen” - I can acknowledge that these are irrational fears but stopping them is another ball game altogether- I’m grateful for the friends/ family I have and for open honest support forums like this - it helps me to adopt a just rest part to my lifestyle which is so important to release the worries- a great book I used with Children in mental health services with anxiety was called the Huge Bag of Worries which is brilliant for helping kids particularly in these times -link below- cheers Sam- keep em coming
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Huge-Bag-Worries-Virginia-Ironside/dp/0340903171/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=53056478877&dchild=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAjKqABhDLARIsABbJrGn2WcRIVR-71eRJmgt8DCPnLoSmmlNM7ogpU9K0V4-vpH9dwGalLmoaAtaVEALw_wcB&hvadid=259109261408&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9046454&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=12716991063235882649&hvtargid=kwd-301366853476&hydadcr=20073_1779316&keywords=the+huge+bag+of+worries&qid=1611353473&sr=8-1&tag=hydrukspg-21
I will check this book out, thanks for the recommend. Get some rest mate. One of the reasons that I've been less stressed than usual during lockdown is because I have slowed down. Might not be possible for everyone but wherever you can take it easy, try to.